I've dated Charlemagne, St. John, Henry VIII and John Adams. Yes, I Realize They are Dead.

Before I progress any farther, I must confess something personal.  I have dated many men from history and if you think a long distance relationship is hard, try living in different centuries!  See I just don't study history, I sometimes become so involved with a particular person, it is almost as if we have developed a relationship through time.

First came Charlemagne, the first Holy Roman Emperor, ancestor of the kings of Europe and ruler of a vast and cultured domain.  Our relationship began innocently enough, as I was researching his involvement in the theological debates of his time.  Before I knew it, sparks had flown and I wistfully spending my Saturday nights with a dead man.  I know this sounds strange.  After all, what could a man who died over thousand years ago and I have in common?  Maybe it was his promotion of arts and learning throughout his empire, or the rumor that he was well endowed, or even the manly way he conquered enemies.  

Whatever the reason, I soon found myself in a most unusual courtship.  He was married, lived over a thousand years ago and a very learned man.  I was a socially awkward college student, who had never seen the lands he conquered.  Nevertheless, I was drawn to him like a jaundice patient to the sun.  In a sense, my desire to understand him, drove my desire to understand myself and to heal the socially awkward person within.

However, good things don't last forever and soon I found myself dating another man.  The apostle, or St. John, became my next boyfriend, as I began research on the canonization of the Bible.  I liked that he was less impulsive than Peter, more trusting than Thomas and seemed to have a gentler spirit than the other apostles.  Being in a relationship with a saint is not easy.  Between the visions of the apocalypse and suffering at the hands of disbelievers, he became to "high maintenance."  I did learn, however, that sometimes you have to suffer for your beliefs and even when you think your fate is sealed, a man named Jesus comes along and changes your life.

After college I stopped dating historical figures for awhile.  They were simply to exhausting, to smart, to devote, or to awesome for me.  I simply felt I wasn't good enough for them.  After all, they had been granted immorality through history books, performed great deeds and changed lives, while all I had done was go from one dead end job to another and was quickly fading into obscurity.

After I got married and had my son Luke, I began to date historical figures secretly.  Most married women secretly fantasize about Brad Pitt or some other godlike person.  I on the other hand, became obsessed with John Adams after reading his biography by David McCullough.  His devotion to his country, freedom and wife were so moving!  Who wouldn't want to date a man like that! 

My relationship with him ended, when I realized how much my husband was like him.  Reserved, intelligent, a lawyer and a devoted family man.  I had actually married one of my historical figures, except he was real and lived in my century!  I, however, didn't learn from that experience and began to date Henry VIII.  Yes, I don't know what was I thinking and I am convinced every women has dated a man like that.  Regardless, I realized that not only did I like having my head attached to my body, but I didn't need to date historical figures anymore.  I have grown into a strong woman, who is following her dreams.  I don't need a man (but I have a wonderful one), approval from others or have what is considered a "respectable" job.  I can now write freely about the world and show others what they have missed when they weren't looking.